I poured my heart out to him, pleading with him
to entrust his life to the One who will always love him. Letting him know that this is the most
important decision that he will ever make.
That no matter what happens in this brief life, he can be assured of a
destination that will last for all of eternity.
His response? A derisive,
scoffing laugh, as if to say, “What a foolish, simple-minded woman you
are.”
My heart broke, another chip to join the many splintered
pieces that have slowly fallen off over the years. Moments later, in the privacy of my bedroom
with the door locked, the tears flowed.
“Why, Lord?!” I cried. “Why am I
investing so much time and energy into something that apparently has no eternal
results? What is the purpose of all my
efforts if the children I love do not love You?”
There is undeniable truth in the Bible that proclaims: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my
children are walking in the truth.”1
How I long to be able to say this of my children – all of my children, the
ones who have lived with me for only a short time, as well as the ones who are
still living with me after many years: to know that they are walking in the
path of truth. My heart overflows with
love for the One who first loved me, and I can think of no greater reward than
for my children to share in the love and joy that can only come from Him.
However, that means that the opposite is sadly
true: I have no greater heartache than
to hear that my children are not
walking in the truth. When they reject the
One that is so dear to me.
I truly believe that every child who has come
through my doors has been led here specifically by the hand of God. And while they are here, I welcome them, care
for their many needs, nurture their individual talents and abilities, and most
importantly, share God’s love with them.
Of course I’m not a perfect parent.
I have made many, many mistakes over the years, some that I deeply
regret. And despite my vast experience, there
are some bad habits and selfish behaviors that I still struggle with
today! However, in spite of my
imperfections, somehow God has chosen me to love and raise these children, and
every day I pray for patience, strength and wisdom to do it well.
My influence in these children’s lives is so
fleeting, from a few weeks to a few years.
For most of them, they leave my home and I will never hear from them
again. No further contact with them or
their future families. I will never know
what happens to them or who they become.
But for the teenage son who was adopted into my
family all those years ago, I see firsthand the choices he is making and
struggles he is having. How can he not
see that God has a plan for his life?
What if he never believes
God’s truth? I can’t even bear the
thought of spending eternity in heaven without him!
So what happens when this child I love chooses
a different path than the one I had envisioned for him? When he refuses to accept a life of hope and
joy that comes from a personal relationship with the Lord? It’s disheartening, and the temptation to
give up is ever before me.
As I cry out to the Lord in desperation and
futility, I sense His gentle words and I am reminded of His promise: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for
at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”2 Oh, how weary I can become sometimes! Weary of the daily battles and
struggles! Even a hard-working farmer
gets to enjoy the harvest that results from his hours of toil, right? So where is my “harvest?” Where is the grateful, God-fearing child I
had hoped to raise?
The little phrase in that verse is so easy to
overlook: “at the proper time.” Well, perhaps this isn’t the proper time
yet. I’m basically pointing at this
young man that God brought into my life, and saying, “Don’t You see him,
Lord? Where are you? I’ve been trusting You for years to work in
his life, but You remain silent.
Please! Please, do
something!”
Could it be that God has something else,
something better in mind? Perhaps His
silence doesn’t mean that He is ignoring my pleas and failing to keep His
promises.3 Maybe His silence
is really a beautiful demonstration of His patience, waiting for my son to
mature. Waiting for my faith to mature.
I love the story of Moses, a man who obeyed God
in spite of the difficulties, in the face of extreme adversity and impossible
odds. Day after day he led the
Israelites through the barren desert.
Year after year he continued to be obedient to what God had called him
to do, even though he never saw the promise fulfilled during his lifetime. He walked by faith.4
And now, centuries later in completely
different circumstances, God is asking me to do the same thing. To press on.
To walk by faith, knowing that I may not see the results of my efforts
during my lifetime.
So with His promises before me and His Spirit
inside me, I will strap on my own "sandals" in preparation for another day of being a
mother. I will continue to remind myself
of God’s promise that a harvest will result if I do not give up. I will remember that I am not my son’s
rescuer. God is. And as hard as it is for me to believe, He
loves my son infinitely more than I do!
I feel a sense of urgency, knowing that my son
will soon be fully grown and no longer living in my home. My influence in his life is rapidly
decreasing, and there will be fewer and fewer opportunities for these kinds of
conversations. But one thing that will not
change, no matter how old he gets, is my ability to petition the Lord on his
behalf. I will continue to cry out to
the Lord to please, please open my son’s eyes and touch his heart.
Until my last breath on the final day of my
life, I will never, never stop praying for him.
I will press on.
1.
3 John
1:4
2.
Galatians
6:9
3.
“The
Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient
toward you, not wishing any should perish, but that all should reach
repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)
4.
“These
were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been
promised.” (Hebrews 11:39)
I will tell you another story.
ReplyDeleteThis story is about a young woman who grew up in a pagan home where she never heard a kind word from anyone nor had any mother tend to her needs. She never heard that there was a Savior that loved her and knew her intimately. She was exposed to grievous sin at the tender age of 14. She rebelled repeatedly completely oblivious to the fact that "He is not far from any one of us." She gave way to her sin. She wallowed in it. Swallowed up whole to its enticements.
Then the veil was taken away. The Holy Spirit convicted her of sin and unrighteousness.
Did God work all of the things in her life together for good? Yes, and then some. She wouldn't change one thing about her previous life. God used all of it to bring Himself glory. She marvels at the way the Lord has uniquely gifted her to minister to the unwanted men and women of this world. The prostitutes, the drug addicts, the homosexuals and the young women who have sought abortions. The Lord has used all of those experiences from her life to make her bold in Him. She loves Him and she loves His church and she loves the lost because He knit her life together like a Master Planner.
So, rest sweet one.
Timing, oh timing....which this one wretched sinner can attest to as being absolutely perfect.
I believe that child is simply looking at their past life and wondering where the Lord was then. It must be hard for them to see Him amidst all of that pain and rejection. But keep on keeping on, you are planting seed. It may lay dormant for a season, but you are being obedient to plant. The Lord will do the rest.
ReplyDeleteHugs from Canada.
Karyn