The
outburst at school is completely unexpected, and catches his teacher by
surprise. In the whole time that he has
been in her class, she has never seen him act this way before. She knows a little about his story – about his
rocky start in life, about his birth mother who was incapable of caring for him,
about some of the trauma and uncertainty and upheaval that he has experienced during
his childhood, about his multiple disruptions and moves during his journey
through the foster care system.
Still, it’s
been more than a year that he has been with his current foster family, a family
who is loving and involved and who want the very best for him, and he seems to
have settled in nicely there. Where
could all these sudden strong emotions be coming from?
A brief conversation
with his foster mother clears up the mystery.
Yes, he fits in well with their family.
Yes, they love him passionately.
But they recently found out that everything will soon be changing. His birth parents’ rights are going to be
terminated in court, and he will be free for adoption. While this is what he ultimately needs – unconditional
love and permanency and stability - this
also means yet another move from his current foster family to an unknown adoptive
family somewhere. This will mean yet
another painful, difficult, frightening transition.
He had been
brave when they first started talking about it, asking questions and trying to imagine
what the future might look like for him.
But he realizes that the permanent loss of his biological parents means
that any hope he might have been holding out for reunification is now over. That
door is forever closed.
And now the
loss of his foster family too? The loss
of his friends and church and school and neighbors, everything that is
familiar? The fear and grief eventually came
bubbling to the surface at the most inopportune time – in the middle of class! –
and thus, the emotional outburst. Everyone
understands but, although they are sympathetic, there is nothing they can do to
change this boy’s situation.
This child
needs a family. A family who will
gently, patiently help him deal with his grief and loss. A family who will love him as their own son, who
will embrace his disability and provide him with opportunities to excel. And now that he will soon be entering
adolescence, he needs a family with a father who will walk alongside him as he navigates
the tumultuous years into young adulthood.
For most of
us, when we hear his story, there is a little stirring in our hearts, a spark
of compassion for this boy.
