The Road Home

Is she excited or terrified?  Filled with anticipation or apprehension?  There are so many emotions inside that it is nearly impossible to distinguish where one leaves off and another one begins.  Today is the first day of her new job, one she has dreamed of and worked hard to achieve.  As she fastens her ID badge onto her new lanyard, she looks once again at the words printed underneath her name: Social Worker.  She can hardly believe that she works for a child protection agency.  That she has an amazing opportunity to make a difference in children’s lives!

The very first case assigned to her involves a tiny baby girl, recently born in a nearby hospital.  The baby’s parents do not have the ability to care for their baby, but finding a willing and qualified foster family has proven to be quite a challenge.   Current foster homes are full or only take school age children or specialize in teenagers with behavioral challenges.  And many foster families, even the excellent ones, are reluctant to care for a child with special needs.  Fear of the unknown tends to paralyze even the most willing heart.

Child Protective Services (CPS) finally identifies a family who lives in another county an hour and a half away.  It is not an ideal situation, especially since the goal is for this child to be reunified with her parents, but this family has a good reputation in the foster care community, and they are not only willing, but excited about welcoming this little one into their home!

What the naive social worker lacks in experience, she compensates with much vigor and enthusiasm.  If the goal is for this family to be reunified, then she will, she promises herself, do everything in her power to make that happen.  She will help pave the road home.

An Unexpected Party

(A foster mother's version of "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien)

There I was, an average, unremarkable woman, living in a little home in a quiet suburban neighborhood.   It was a quiet home that meant comfort and solitude.  The days were predictable.  Nights were filled with peaceful, uninterrupted slumber.  I certainly wasn’t looking for an adventure.  I happened to like my life the way it was, thank you very much.

I had come from a long line of middle class families, and people considered us very respectable, not only because most of us were hard-working, upstanding citizens, but because we had never had any adventures or did anything unexpected.  This is my story:  the story of how an average, unremarkable woman had an adventure, and found herself doing and saying things altogether unexpected.

A Lesson in Humility

Seventeen years.  

45 different children.  Tens of thousands of unforgettable moments experienced, challenging conflicts resolved, feeding schedules perfected and complex behavioral issues researched and figured out.  Young lives literally saved with tender nurturing and attentive care.  So where is the sure confidence I should be feeling?  Why am I unable to find the sense of pride in my accomplishments?

Perhaps it is because I am sitting at the well-worn table in my slightly cluttered kitchen, and across from me is a woman I have never met before, questioning, probing, prying into every imaginable area of my life.

“What was your relationship like with your siblings when you were younger?”  Oh, right, do any siblings always get along perfectly when they are growing up?  And anyways, what on earth does that have to do with who I am today?

“What age were you when you first started dating?”  What kind of answer is she looking for?  If I was quite young, she might question my moral convictions.  If I was older, she might think I was too sheltered and couldn’t possibly understand the experiences of today’s teenager.

“What kind of parent are you?  How do you plan to discipline the children in your home?”   Well, of course any kind of physical discipline is out of the question for a foster child.  I strive to be strong yet not over-bearing, consistent but not too strict, loving and kind without being too permissive.  Is it even possible to find that perfect balance?

The palms of my hands are a little sweaty and I can’t help but feel nervous and insecure, as if this is an interrogation in the principal’s office, and with one wrong word she just might yell, “Aha!  I caught you!”  It’s really a simple, standard home-study.  However, in the midst of this tedious process, I am receiving a lesson in humility.