June 1, 2012

Never Forget

Although I knew that this moment was inevitable, I was still somehow startled when the phone call finally came.  Your social worker, letting me know that you would be leaving our home.  I hung up the phone with a heavy hand and a sinking heart, my mind numb with trying to comprehend what this is going to mean.  How can a mother possibly brace herself to say good-bye to her child?

There is no way I can explain this life-changing event to you, because you are too young to understand good-byes.  One moment you will be in the security of my familiar embrace, completely content and sheltered.   And in the next moment, you will unexpectedly be in the arms of a new, unknown mother.   Will you be scared and confused, wondering where I am?  Will you grieve the loss as much as I will?

There will be a season of adjustment when you arrive in your new home, a time of uncertainty about your new surroundings and a transition to new routines.  But however difficult it may be at first, I am confident that it will not take long at all to adapt to your new family and environment.  Children are resilient that way.  Although I can scarcely bear the thought, I know that your memories of me and my family and my home will eventually fade, and the day will come when you will forget us altogether.  You will not recall our bedtime routines. The song I made up just for you will be forgotten.  You will no longer remember the sound of my voice saying, “Good morning, Beautiful!”   The soft curve in your neck will forget the thousands of kisses that my lips have planted there, and that special spot on your tummy will not remember the raspberries that Papa blew that made you laugh so hard you could barely take a breath.  Those memories will be forever lost.

Me?  I will never forget.  I will always remember the first time I met you, lying in that hospital bed so helpless and frail:  the instantaneous, consuming love that overwhelmed me, and the fierce desire to protect you.  And of course that attachment has only strengthened with time.  With each passing day I discover new things about you and fall in love with you all over again.  I knew from the very beginning that your time with me would be temporary, but that didn’t prevent my arms from completely opening nor my affections from wholeheartedly welcoming you. 

I will treasure the memory of your adorable smile and delighted giggle.  In fact, your peals of laughter are so contagious that when someone says, “Look, she’s laughing!” everyone in the family comes running from different rooms in the house just to enjoy the sweet sound and try to capture your toothless grin on camera.  Watching you smile and listening to your laugh is one of our favorite family activities.

As your time with my family comes to an end, I have so many prayers for you.  I pray that you will be loved and cherished in your new home with your new family, and that you will bring as much joy to their lives as you have brought to mine. 
And there are some important truths that I pray you will never, ever forget:  God's very great and precious promises!1
No matter where you go or what your family circumstances may be, never forget that the One who formed you in your mother’s womb2 is the same One who has watched over you and protected you until now, and you can be assured that the Lord your God is the One who goes ahead of you.3 He has promised never to leave you or forsake you4.

Regardless of the physical challenges you may face, never forget that the Lord created you for a specific purpose, and He has great plans for your life.5  He will sustain you.6  May everything you dream and pursue and become bring honor to the One who created you.

As you get older and more independent, if you experience fears or doubts or difficult decisions, never forget that God promises to guide you and direct your paths when you trust Him.7

I know that you will not remember me, my Sweet Girl.  The only reminder you will have are the pictures that I will carefully pack and send with your belongings, with the hopes that your next mother will let you know how much I loved you.
As the memories of me fade and are replaced by new, even better ones, I hope, somehow, in some way, that your heart and soul will always remember how much you were cherished during the first year of your life.  But most of all, in the days and months and years to come, may you never, ever forget the powerful, everlasting love that the Lord has promised to lavish on you, His precious child.8

1.    2 Peter 1:4
2.    Psalm 139:13
3.    Deuteronomy 9:3
4.    Deuteronomy 31:8
5.    Jeremiah 29:11
6.    Psalm 55:22
7.    Proverbs 3:5-6
8.    1 John 3:1

1 comment:

  1. Sweet Belinda,
    Thank you for loving so much. And with that love
    comes much pain.
    Praying for you,