‘Twas a few
nights after Christmas, when all through the house . . . the creatures are
indeed stirring. Every bed in the house overflows
with relatives – aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents – who have
traveled long distances to celebrate this holiday season. But none of us can sleep on this
not-so-silent night. The little ones are
tossing and turning and squirming fitfully in their beds, refusing to succumb
to sleep. Their wild footsteps echo off
the hardwood floors in the hallways.
Their agitated cries ensure that none of us will be settling our brains
for a long winter’s nap. At least not
anytime soon.
This is not
exactly the image of my home and family I was hoping you would see when you
come. Just a few days earlier, we are
all cleaning and sweeping and polishing in anticipation of your arrival. We look out the window frequently, waiting
for you to come. The hour gets later,
the clock ticking well past the usual bedtime.
Finally, you come! And out in the
driveway there arises such a clatter, the littles ones spring from their beds
to see what is the matter.
Which is
fine, just this once. I want them to see
you. While you are here, I hope that you
will get to know these precious children who are living in my home. I want you to love them and treasure them as
much as I do! During your visit, I hope
that the bonds between you and them will be formed and strengthened. May they find in you, unconditional love and
acceptance. May they find, in your
warmth and tenderness, a sense of belonging and connectedness.
The hallway
soon fills with rolling suitcases and zippered jackets, excited laughter and
lively conversation. So wonderful to see you! I’m glad you made it safely! How was your trip? Do you want anything to eat? Understandably, it takes a while for
everyone to settle in.
The next
morning, due to the excitement still lingering in the air, the children rise
earlier than usual. Even before the day
begins, my busyness caring for guests disrupts their accustomed breakfast/medication/diaper
routine. The kitchen countertops, which
usually have bowls of fruit or protein-rich trail mix for snacking, are filled instead
with goodies you thoughtfully brought with you:
holiday cookies, home-made fudge, caramel corn, candy canes and a large
bag of Hershey kisses leftover from a party.
The kids, of course, are elated at the opportunity to consume such rare
treats!
Something
we always do when you come is shop:
wandering through the mall, searching for clearance items at department
stores, or taking the grocer list to the market. Even with the challenge of getting little
ones in and out of car seats, strollers, and shopping carts, it’s a fun way for
us all to get out of the house and spend time together.
Unfortunately,
the hour gets later, the clock ticking well past the usual lunchtime. A quick stop at the food court should suffice,
as long as we keep in mind that several of the kids have food allergies. They will have to skips their naptime today. Which should be fine, just this once.
The rest of
the day flies by like dry leaves in a wild hurricane. An aunt working on a craft project. An uncle instigating a nerf war on the back lawn. Grandpa tackling the boxed Christmas toys with
the tags that say “assembly required.” Cousins
sharing social media news and Instagram photos.
Mama planning tonight’s dinner.
Papa finishing up some home repairs before returning to work in a few
days. Our home is filled with the sights
and sounds of a large extended family!
Mixed into
the bustling scene of our home are the children. Precious little ones who have joined our
family through foster care and adoption. These are children who have been hurt and
traumatized and abandoned and neglected. They have been exposed, before they
were born, to substances that have altered their little brains and damaged
their central nervous systems. Even on
good days, it is a challenge to keep them regulated, balanced and calm. They thrive on routine and consistency and
structure. Predictability.
So when you
come, and we decide to spend the day shopping instead of staying home during
their usual nap time; and while you are sleeping comfortably in the beds that
they normally call their own; and we are eating foods that they don’t normally
eat, sometimes later than usual; and when our house is full of the laughter and
lively conversations that come when you visit . . . the change in routine and
diet, along with the overstimulation of their senses, wreaks havoc. A recipe for meltdowns.
As one of
my older, more articulate children once explained to me, it’s like electrical
currents start running through their bodies, and it becomes nearly impossible
for them to relax and act calmly.
Instead of the well-behaved and cooperative children I had hoped you
would see, you are instead seeing children who are acting wild and out of
control. Children who are yelling and
throwing toys and jumping off the furniture. Children who are irritable and disregulated. Children who, instead of sleeping at night, cry and scream inconsolably.
This is not
exactly the image of my home and family I want you to see. But this is us. This is our family, the one that God has
formed. The children that He created and,
in His loving sovereignty, brought into our lives. The amazing, resilient children who are
struggling to overcome near-insurmountable challenges and damage to the wiring
of their brains. Children who are
learning how to thrive.
And these
are the children I am hoping you will love and treasure as much as we do! The ones who may find in you unconditional
love and acceptance.
I hope that
when you see the stockings hung by our chimney with care, you will be able to
say Love lives there! A broken and imperfect family, for sure, but a
home that is overflowing with love. Love
for the Lord, and love for each other.
I hope you
see that even in our weaknesses and failures and shortcomings, God is at work
here, every day working to accomplish His purposes. Even now in the chaos and messes and tantrums
and tears and sleepless nights, He is restoring and redeeming and forgiving and
healing. We are so thankful that He is
compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love! (Psalm 103)
I had hoped
to boast in my peaceful, serene home full of perfectly-behaved children being
raised by wise and patient parents. But
that’s not reality. The reality is undeniably
humbling. So instead of boasting in
myself or my home or my children, “I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
It is all
about Christ in me. Any successes, any
progress, any good that happens here is only because of His power. Not because of my excellent parenting skills,
my well-planned consistent routine, or my experience with traumatized
children. But only because of Him. And in the mess and turmoil and meltdowns . . . He is full of compassion. He knows my weaknesses and limitations, and yet He still called me to this task. It is only His grace, in the midst of it all, that is sufficient for me.
Unconditional
love. Boundless grace. Steadfast Redemption. The indomitable power of Christ at work in me.
Those are what
I hope you see when you come.
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