I never
could understand why foster children move through so many different foster
homes. Why foster parents don’t just try
harder. Why they don’t stay committed to
the child they welcomed into their home.
Why they call the social worker and ask him or her to find another
placement. I always wondered what makes
them admit that the story is over.
Until
it happened to me.
It all
starts, innocently enough, with a flight reservation. My husband’s job requires that he frequently travel,
often times to faraway places like China and The Netherlands and Brazil. So this time, when he is invited to speak at
a conference in Dublin, a city in the enchanting country of Ireland, I jump at
the opportunity to tag along.
Because of
the difficulty in finding respite care for our foster children and the detailed
planning that requires many hours of my time, I don’t often travel with my
husband on his trips – either business trips or vacations. In fact, it’s been more than three years
since we traveled together, usually resorting to our familiar role as a Relay Team. So now, I am filled with anticipation at the
prospect of sitting on the same airplane, staying in the same hotel room, and exploring
the same beautiful country together with the man I love!
I had (sort
of) forgotten how stressful the preparations are, but I am quickly reminded
that getting a foster child ready to be placed in another home, even for a
week, is not as easy as it sounds.
Documenting his daily routine and medical care requirements. Copying his insurance card and custody
letters. Listing all of the legal and
medical contacts in case of emergency.
Making sure all of his medications are refilled so they don’t run out while
we are away. And trying to fit these added
tasks in between therapy appointments, visits with his mother, and the normal frantic
busyness of a household full of young children who require constant attention.
But first, I
will need to find a suitable foster home where he might stay while we are
gone. Therein lies the biggest hurdle of
all. I ask every licensed foster parent
I know, hoping and praying that he will be able to stay with someone familiar. He has already experienced such turmoil and
upheaval in his short life, that I want to spare him the unnecessary anxiety of
staying with strangers.
However,
despite my most diligent attempts, not one foster parent I know is able to care
for him, even temporarily. Some families
do not have a parent who can stay home with him, and because of his medical
needs, he cannot go to daycare. One family is currently caring for other foster
children and do not have any more space.
Another is in the process of moving to a new home. One is having health problems, one has a
lapse in their relicensing, one will be out of town that same week, and one doesn’t
feel comfortable caring for a child with special needs. I do get a glimmer of hope when a friend graciously
agrees to care for him, but she is licensed with a different agency, and the
lack of communication and collaboration between my agency, her agency, and my
foster child’s county makes this option all but impossible.
Maybe I
should just give up on my travel plans. Cancel
the plane reservations and just forget about the whole thing. It would mean losing a considerable amount of
money that I had paid for my non-refundable ticket, but that would be a small
sacrifice compared to these constant roadblocks and continual frustrations!
